


When I Was a Child, I Heard Voices

by SleepyWoofles



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Caleb's the hurt in this situation if that wasn't clear, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sorta I guess, i actually wrote this before caleb's second playlist dropped i think, i forget what episode it is but set when they're back in the empire, i have no idea what's happening in any of my fics can you tell, i was listening to arsonist's lullaby and just kinda, my inability to write summaries plagues me every day, oh boy this is gonna be fun uh, so you can imagine my shock seeing arsonist's lullaby on the playlist--
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:16:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25776505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyWoofles/pseuds/SleepyWoofles
Summary: Hearing the name "Bren" sets off a wave of memories for Caleb, and in his mind, Bren and Astrid take a walk neither of them would have taken if they knew how it would end.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast, Nott | Veth Brenatto & Caleb Widogast, Past Astrid/Bren Aldric Ermendrud
Kudos: 32





	When I Was a Child, I Heard Voices

Caleb slides down the door to his room, staring out without really seeing anything. It had been so long since he had been here. He thought he would never come back. Nott is across the room from him, he almost forgot she was there for a second. They all said they shouldn’t sleep alone, in part because of him.

He jumps slightly as he feels something lean against his side, and relaxes again as he realizes it was just Nott coming to sit with him instead of on the bed.

Nott rests a hand on his knee, and he rests a hand on top of hers. They don’t say anything for a while. 

“Are you feeling alright?” Nott eventually asks. Caleb nods, and she nods as well. “It was.. It was a lot today. I mean, that was kind of crazy.” She smiles at him. He just nods again. 

They go silent again. Nott leans against his side a bit more, he appreciates knowing she’s there. 

The two of them both glance up at the sound of a knock on the door. Nott scrambles across the room to grab her crossbow, never feeling safe without it, and Caleb stands up to answer the door. He glances back at her before he opens it, waiting for her nod before continuing. 

Beauregard shoots him an awkward half-smile as the door opens. She holds up a bottle he’s smart enough to know is alcohol before either of them say anything, and leans past him— Caleb assumes to wave it at Nott— before seeming to be unable to see anyone else and turning back to him. 

“I thought you could use some.. I don’t know, some something after today.” Beau shrugs, and Caleb shrugs in response. They stand there awkwardly for a few seconds before Caleb moves to let her in. 

“I’m fine.” Caleb says as Beau sits down. “Seeing them today was strange, but I’m fine. Promise.” He flashes an insincere smile.

The look Beau gives him says that she didn’t believe a damn word he said. “Look, Caleb, I don’t want to be that guy, but ‘fine’?” She almost laughs at him, shaking her head, “I mean if you want me to go, I’m gone, but you know I’m here for you, yeah?” 

“I don’t mind you staying.” Caleb says quickly. Quicker than he had intended, really. 

Beau nods, as if she expects him to continue. When he stays silent, she speaks instead, “Well, y’know you really weren’t lying about that Trent guy. Creepy fuckin’ asshole.”

Caleb doesn’t say anything in response. Nott sneaks over from the shadows and curls up against his side.

“He kept calling you by your old name,” Beau points out, “Bren?”

A hand waved in front of his face, and he looked up to be met with a soft smile.

“I thought we might have lost you there. Is everything alright?”

Beau snaps at him to get his attention. “Hey, you good? I asked a question and you just kinda zoned out on me.”

Caleb nods. “Just thinking, sorry.”

“Don’t—“ Beau shakes her head at him— “apologize to me, it feels weird.” She pauses for a second, seemingly considering her words. “I just asked what you were like back then. I know I was real fuckin’ different than I am now, so.”

Nott shifts against him, and he rests a hand on her shoulder. 

“You don’t have to answer, ‘cause I think this kind of a stupidly personal question, but I was curious about who ‘Bren’ is.” She pauses again. “Is? Was?”

Caleb hesitates for a second. “Bren was…  _ I  _ was a lot different. Back then.” He trails off for a bit, lost in thought.

“Will you walk with me?” She asked, gathering her books as she stood.

Bren glanced up at her. “Where? Are.. we not supposed to be going to bed?” He asked.

She smiled as she spoke, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Supposed to. I just want to go to the library, we won’t be out long.” 

He considered what she said, they both knew that they weren’t allowed out after dark. “What do we do if we get caught?”

Her smile almost managed to make him forget how bad of an idea it truly was. “I found a new spell the other day, it should help us stay hidden.” 

“Are you sure it will work?” Bren asked hesitantly. Always hesitant, especially compared to her.

She simply looked at him, a glance he recognized as a way to tell him he was too careful.

“Astrid—”

She cut him off, holding up her hand. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but I am going to the library. I’ll see you in the morning, Bren.” She pulled her books closer and went to walk away, waiting only for a second when she heard his chair push back behind her.

It felt oddly exciting, knowing he was doing something he shouldn’t be. Astrid was smiling beside him, and he found it hard not to smile with her. They were out in a small courtyard. They were so close, across the field and up the stairs was the library, it was right there.

They froze at the sound of footsteps.

No one was supposed to be awake.  _ They  _ weren’t supposed to be awake. 

Astrid stopped walking first, holding out her hand to stop Bren as well. He knew the look on her face, it was the look she got whenever she heard someone enough to recognize them by their footsteps. He almost didn’t want her to tell him, but his concern was never voiced aloud as she turned to him and mouthed a name. 

Not that it mattered what she tried to warn him about, as the person in question walked out into the courtyard from the entrance beside them not a second later. Trent Ikithon had a horrible smile on his face as he walked. 

“Now, this is an interesting sight.” Ikithon’s smile seemed to grow as he spoke, the anxiety Bren felt grew with it. “Two of my favorite students out where they know they aren’t supposed to be. What is this?”

Astrid went to speak, only for Bren to cut her off. “It was my idea. She wanted to go to bed, but I left something in the library and didn’t want to go alone.” He stepped in front of her, whether he realized it or not, putting a physical barrier between whatever Ikithon was planning and Astrid. “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

There was a beat of silence before Ikithon responded. “I expect more from you, Bren. You know by now what this means, come find me tomorrow after your classes are over.”

A sense of dread washed over him. His only hope was that it would be less harsh than the time before. He nodded, having to swallow down his fear before he could speak. “Of course.”

Astrid’s hand rested on his arm before he turned to head down the hall to his room. She looked worried. “You didn’t have to do that, Bren.”

“I know.” was the only response he gave.

She frowned at him and released his arm. “Good luck. Tomorrow, I mean.”

He nodded at her, and offered a quick smile as reassurance. Though, who the reassurance was for, he wasn’t sure.  _ “Gute Nacht,  _ Astrid.”

_ “Schlaf gut, _ Bren.”

“Caleb?” Nott’s voice comes through his thoughts. “Beau’s gone.” She adds quickly, “She left when you started getting all…” Nott waves her hands around in a way that he probably should understand, but doesn’t quite get.

“I’m, uh.. I’m sorry, I was thinking.” Caleb answers, though there wasn’t really a question asked. If he listens closely he can hear Beau’s footsteps down the hall. Too light to be Fjord or Yasha, too quick and patterned to be Jester or Caduceus. “A lot has changed since I was last here.”

_ “Here _ here or just in the city?” Nott asks, still leaning against him. 

Caleb puts a hand on her knee, simply enjoying the fact that she was there. “I have never been here specifically, but I also have not seen this city in…” he trails off for a second, “it’s been years, a decade at least.” 

Nott nods against his side. “Do you think they missed you? But not in the creepy, ‘ahh I’ve been waiting years for you to show your face’ way.”

“Part of me hopes some of them did.” Caleb admits, gently moving Nott off so he could stand up. “We should be getting to bed now. We have things to do in the morning.”

Nott stands up after him, helping gather their things and eventually finding places where they both fit on the bed.

_ “Süße Träume, _ Nott.”

Nott attempts to repeat it back to him, though her pronunciation is quite a bit off. He corrects her quietly, and her second attempt is much closer.  _ “Süße Träume,  _ Caleb”

**Author's Note:**

> just some quick translations!  
> "Gute Nacht" - "Good night"  
> "Schlaf gut" - "Sleep well"  
> "Süße Träume" - "Sweet dreams"


End file.
